Hard Steps Toward the Light: Meet Bonnie Gatchell [Interview]

Hard Steps Towards the Light: Meet Rev. Bonnie Gatchell [Interview]

Welcome to EGC's Leader Profiles, where you can get to know the unique stories of Boston area Christian leaders. Our vision is for a surprisingly well-connected Christian community across cultural, generational, and denominational lines throughout the city.

Rev. Bonnie Gatchell is an ordained minister in the Evangelical Presbyterian Church and the Director of EGC’s Route One Ministry. Route One ministers to women exploited in the sex industry in Massachusetts.

Rev. Gatchell also raises awareness among Massachusetts churches about the realities and systems of sex trafficking, exploitation, and abuse, and where the Church can intervene. 

TEDx Wellesley

Interview

Tell me a little bit about yourself and your family.

My parents just celebrated 48 years of marriage. They live in Michigan, that’s where I grew up. My brother is my only sibling, and I’m the oldest. 

Tell me a little bit about your spiritual journey and relationship with Jesus now.

I think, “constant.”  I’m thankful, grateful, that He is constant with me. Constantly shows up, constantly forgives, constantly meets with me despite my own flawed-ness, my own wanting to be distant from Him, forgetting about Him.  So there’s this constant peace in me now of just being more honest about where I messed up the day before with Jesus. This is different than a couple years ago.

What’s a food you can’t live without?

I’ll give you two. M&Ms have always been my Achilles’ heel. Health-wise, anything avocado. I could eat it raw, I could just crack it open and sprinkle a little salt on it, make it into guacamole, mix it with some tomato, and make a salad. 

What’s your most treasured possession?

My grandmother’s journals. When I open them I read of events that happened before me, like commentary on family members and things, which is funny. Most of the people in the journals have passed away. The journals connect me to my family's past in a powerful way.

Tell me about your work in Route One Ministry.  What is your role in that?

I started the ministry. But my role now, 8 years later, is training the trainers and facilitating conversation around, What is trafficking? How are women in strip clubs trafficked? What is exploitation, what does that look like?  What would freedom look like for women who are currently working in strip clubs?

What would you say is your passion?

I think my passion is the Church. In particular, for women to have more of a voice within the Church, and more of a voice more often.

What would you say is your greatest joy in ministry?

When a light bulb comes on – and that may be in a church leader, or a volunteer, or a woman in the strip club.  It’s just this moment where you can almost watch the person’s face shift. Also, any time a woman in the club asks for any type of connection with us, like “Can you come to my daughter’s birthday party?” “Instead of you coming here, can we meet at my house for prayer?”  “Am I allowed to go to church and still work here?”

“He held me together and He whispered in my ear, “Not yet. Don’t give up yet.” And so we move on.”

What do you find challenging?

Helping the church understand that women who work in clubs are victims of exploitation—not perpetrators, not offenders—is challenging.  Getting the Church to come behind us financially can also be slow. I first have to get Christians to understand who strippers really are, and then to understand why we need their support.

What’s been the greatest lesson for you in this ministry so far?

I’m learning about longsuffering. There were so many points where I’ve wanted to throw in the towel. So many points where I thought, What are we doing again?  So many points where I thought, I’m not the right person to lead this team, or, I don’t have anything more in me to give. And yet, He held me together and He whispered in my ear, Not yet. Don’t give up yet. And so we move on. 

What’s your prayer for the people amongst who you work?

My prayer for women who are sexually exploited is that they would find healing.  I pray that they would not walk around with shame, or a jaded perspective of themselves, but that they would be able to take steps to a place of healing, self-confidence, a place of hope, light, fresh air.  

I also pray that women wouldn't suffer silently with the abuse that's happened to them, but that they’d be able to find safety—in the Church and Christian counselors—to start digging that up and handing it over to Christ.

“I pray that they would not walk around with shame, or a jaded perspective of themselves.”

My prayer for the Church would be for a shift in posture in how they understand and see women who are sexually abused and exploited and trafficked, and women experiencing domestic violence.  Sometimes we can be stingy with love, and stingy with forgiveness, and stingy with listening. But in Christ we have this endless bucket of resources. My prayer is that we draw on Christ better to bring people to healing and life.

Contact / Volunteer

Contact / Volunteer

Leading By Letting Go: Skills in Courageous Leadership for Healthy Collaborations

Leading By Letting Go: Skills in Courageous Leadership for Healthy Collaborations

By the Woven Team

At Woven, Christian women leaders gather to encourage and consult one another. For this year’s consultation, we focused on igniting local collective-action movements. Morning plenary sessions gave practical tools and best practices for effective collaboration and movement building. In the afternoon, women participated in one of two workshops, where they advised local networks focused on social justice and church unity. This blog celebrates the leadership growth we observed from that gathering.

Godly leadership is not about taking control on behalf of God—it’s about taking the lead in making room for God. Knowing how to make space for the movement of God is especially true in collaborative situations.

When we work for a collaborative mission—without seeking individual accolades—Jesus moves freely. And when Jesus moves freely, God’s design for the Church comes alive.

As the women engaged at Woven, they showed courage and growth in collaborative leadership. Here we celebrate that growth and share it with you for your reflection and action in your spheres of influence.

GROWTH AREAS FOR Christian LEADERSHIP IN COLLABORATIONS

Growth Area #1: Surrendering the Mission Back to God

Once you enter a collaborative situation, prepare to lay down what you think is “the mission” on the altar of trust in God’s wisdom. While God may call you to pick it back up, allow yourself time to hear from God—maybe through others—about God’s assignment and priorities.

Unity is not inviting or bringing people along towards your mission statement. Our own mission statement is not the whole of God’s mission within a collaboration.

“Unity is not inviting or bringing people along towards your mission statement.”

Instead, as we put ourselves into a broader array of work God is doing, we piece together all the missions, like a stained-glass window.  Our mission is just one broken piece of glass that God fits with others. If you’re in a leadership role within the collaboration, prepare to facilitate discovery and clarification of a shared mission.

In past years, we designed the Woven consultation day to invite women to discuss their own leadership challenges and supports. This year we decided to focus on building skills for collaboration. We designed a time that would challenge the women to apply the values described here.

Towards that end, we designed workshops that would require the women to lay aside their expectations and agendas to work together towards a concrete goal, in this case, building movements for social justice and Christian unity. We are grateful to the women for their flexibility.        

Growth Area #2: Letting Go of Control

As you step into a community of people who are thinking differently, prepare to experience a new level of trust in God.

Letting others change your perspective is uncomfortable. But as women who have let go of needing to be the one with all the answers know, this openness is critical to engaging in unity work.

In the social justice workshop, one Woven team member was taking whiteboard notes while a group of women was refining language for a discussion question. She noticed that women were using the word “difference” in unexpected ways. Seeking further clarity, she started asking clarifying questions about what the women meant by “difference” and advocated for a specific definition. In doing so, she confused some people and distracted the group from brainstorming ideas. On later reflection, she realized that she needed to set aside her need for precision in order just to listen and capture what the women were saying.

As you listen, try not to “correct” others' thoughts. Instead, focus on gaining perspective. This different focus sometimes requires laying aside how you think a conversation or activity should go.    

Growth Area #3: Sharing Resources

Sacrificial giving is critical to collaboration. If you offer your resources into God’s hands, you might receive them back from the woman next to you, who is giving up her stuff for you. Or you might be the one giving up things for her benefit.

Everyone in a collaboration needs to come into a sharing posture. One participant describes, “Coming in, I didn't realize I'd be engaged in consultancy.  So I had to shift from ‘What do I get out of this immediately?’ to a ‘How do I serve/give?’ mindset and trust that my purpose for being here will be revealed—maybe even after today.”

“Everyone in a collaboration needs to come into a sharing posture.”

By laying aside her agenda, this woman gave herself as a resource. She decided to share her focus, her listening ear, and her expertise as a gift to the workshop group.

Growth Area #4: Role Shifting

Be prepared that you may need to play a different role than the one you are accustomed to. When entering a collaboration, ask God to remind you what has served you in the past, and what has proved useful others. He’ll guide you to the best ways to lead and collaborate in the present situation.

All the Woven participants are experienced leaders, serving in leadership roles in their homes, churches, and organizations. But in the workshop times, many women saw the need to take a follower posture, playing a supportive role—sometimes even for a topic in which they are accomplished experts.

One woman notes, “I did need to continually remind myself of the different places that people were coming from to have this discussion.” In seeing this diversity, she was able to adjust her participation to what the larger group needed.

Growth Area #5: Admitting Failure & Celebrating Success

“Don’t wait for an “end” to celebrate!”

Collaboration doesn’t happen overnight without setbacks or missteps. Learning together requires honest evaluation and continual reflection. Admitting failure builds trust and transparency—prerequisites for genuine cooperation.

Conversely, celebrating successes as we realize them is foundational. Collaboration is a journey, not a destination. Don’t wait for an “end” to celebrate!

When you observe others sharing themselves generously or with bravery, call it out and praise it. When the group pushes through obstacles or engages in hard conversations, celebrate that dedication together.

Woven participants give day-end feedback surveys, and many also seek out team members to share their input in person. We’re grateful that women let us know what tools worked and which felt bulky or distracting. They shared how we could have fine-tuned our facilitation. We welcome and celebrate this feedback. How could any of us improve without honest evaluation?

We see Woven as successful, not because it is flawless, but because it’s an adaptive space that grows based on feedback. We’re honored to support a space where women can come and share as they are, learning and growing together.

One participant shared, “It is not easy for me to share my opinions/thoughts in other circles because of traditions, etc. I tend to be shy anyway. Woven is a place that I felt welcome to speak up. More than that, Boston needs women working towards transformation in all spheres, and Woven encourages me and others.”

The Woven Team 

(Left to Right) Liza Cagua-Koo, EGC Assistant Director, facilitated the social justice workshop. Jess Mason, EGC Supervising Editor, took notes. Nika Elugardo, EGC Leadership Systems Architect, led a plenary session and facilitated the unity workshop. Stacie Mickelson, EGC Director of Applied Research & Consulting, facilitated the consultation day.

What Women Leaders "Shouldn't" Want [Infographics]

What Christian Women Leaders "Shouldn't" Want [Infographics]

by Jess Mason

Boston area Christian women leaders report that access to supportive networks — spaces for life-giving connection — is vital for healthy life balance. Our data reveal that there is a support gap for many of these leaders.

But more troubling is the discovery of a cultural validation gap, where women leaders know what support they need, but their culture is telling them that strong leaders “shouldn’t” need that kind of support.

The infographics below capture these support and cultural validation gaps.

The first infographic captures the negative lens, answering: What kinds of support are these women perceiving their culture saying healthy leaders “shouldn’t” need?

What Leaders “Shouldn't” Need

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Boston-area Christian women leaders were asked what cultural messages they heard that hinder their healthy life balance. The above represents what women reported hearing that strong leaders should not need or want. Word size represents frequency of mention, ranging from 1 to 6 mentions. Data taken from the 2016 Woven Consultation on Christian Women in Leadership, 104 respondents.

The second graphic captures the positive lens — this is the ask from Christian women leaders: What kind of support would help women leaders toward healthy life balance? Notice the substantial overlap between the disregarded/forbidden kinds of support in the first graphic and the desired kinds of life-giving connection in the second.

What Christian Women Leaders Want More of

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Boston-area Christian women leaders were asked what would help them move towards healthy life balance. The above represents what life-giving interactions they reported wanting or needing more of. Word size corresponds to number of mentions, ranging from 1 to 11 mentions. Data from 2016 Woven Consultation on Christian Women in Leadership, 104 respondents.

The final graph tallies these same requests for life-giving connections by category, which may suggest a relative weight of urgency or felt need. 

View fullsize

Boston-area Christian women leaders were asked what would help them move towards healthy life balance. The above represents categories of life-giving interactions in their responses. Bar length represents number of mentions in that category, ranging from 1 to 39 mentions. Data from 2016 Woven Consultation on Christian Women in Leadership, 104 respondents.

By far the most requested kinds of support fell into the category of “grace spaces” — opportunities to be transparent, accepted and not judged. Christian women leaders would value more opportunities to be open about their weaknesses, their doubts, and their failures without concern for undermining their effectiveness as a leader. 

The second most requested kind of support included encouragement and strategies related to gender-based challenges.

Perhaps in connection to both of the top two concerns, women also craved the opportunity to share stories with other Christian women leaders — including stories of failure and redemption. 

TAKE ACTION

Quick-Poll — Building Support Networks

QUICK POLL: BUILDING SUPPORT NETWORKS

What Are We Missing?

What Are We Missing?

Share Your Story

Share Your Story - Let's Connect!

Women In Christian Leadership [Resource List]

Women In Christian Leadership [Resource List]

by Rudy Mitchell

Detrick, Jodi. The Jesus-Hearted Woman: 10 Leadership Qualities for Enduring and Endearing Influence.  Springfield, Missouri: Salubris Resources, 2015.

Scott, Haylee Gray. Dare Mighty Things: Mapping the Challenges of Leadership for Christian Women. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, 2014.

Surratt, Sherry, and Jenni Catron. Just Lead!: A No Whining, No Complaining, No Nonsense Practical Guide for Women Leaders in the Church. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2013.

Dominance in Leadership: What I'm Learning

Dominance in Leadership: What I'm Learning

by Jessica Mason

“I’m just not cut out to be a leader.”

My pastor at the time grinned with a twinkle in his eye and asked, “Why do you say that?”

I argued, “Because I’m not good at cutting people off at the knees to stay the center of attention.” He tried to tell me, That dubious “skill” is not what godly leadership is about. I’ve tried to believe him. 

As part of our series on conflicting cultural ideals, I'm investigating what the Bible has to say about common ideals that society imposes on leaders and on women. In this post I spotlight the often unspoken cultural ideal that effective leaders are dominant.

My search begins with a well-known passage where Jesus coaches his disciples that, while Gentile rulers “lord it over” others, it should not be so with them. Following the trail of the Greek word for “lord it over” (katakurieuw and kurieuw) around the Bible, I discovered the first mention of “lording over” at the fall of Adam and Eve. A relationship of dominance is apparently part of the Curse—a consequence of sin—not part of God’s beautiful design.

Accordingly, Jesus, Paul, and Peter each taught against leading through dominance. Whenever the Bible mentions humans taking it upon themselves to lord over other humans, the context is never positive.

“I’ve been conflicted about my occasional ability to dominate—it feels wrong when it happens, but when I can’t make it happen I see it as evidence that I am not cut out to lead.”

Recently I encountered a rather narcissistic individual. Narcissists have a pathological need for constant positive attention and adulation. I became increasingly agitated with this individual’s persistence in dominating the conversation and keeping themselves and their accomplishments in focus, to the detriment of meaningful action or decision making.

Reflecting on the experience, I flashed back to leadership roles in my past and came to a startling revelation—in many of my leadership experiences, I managed to center the situation around my thoughts or initiative, hold people in thrall, or get away with doing 75% of the talking. I'd confused leadership with narcissistic behaviors!

I’ve been conflicted about my occasional ability to dominate—it feels wrong when it happens, but when I can’t make it happen I see it as evidence that I'm not cut out to lead. I've repeatedly been disappointed with how my leadership eventually ends up feeling like The Jess Mason Show.  

I’m waking up to the realization that, if godly leadership has nothing to do with the ability to dominate, apparently I've failed to understand in my bones what leading others well truly looks like. In my observation, dominance can co-occur with real leadership. Furthermore, people can mistake dominance for leadership and will follow dominators—even to their own detriment—in the absence of a true leader. But I now believe that a dominant personality is actually irrelevant to healthy leadership.

I’m not in a leadership role at the moment. That buys me some time to learn. How can I hope to discern whether I’m called to lead others again until I understand what leadership is? I’d like to share with you what I’m learning, from the Bible and from living example.

“People can mistake dominance for leadership and will follow dominators—even to their own detriment—in the absence of a true leader.”

I’d like to return to the starting point of my search—Jesus and his disciples. This humble master clarifies that leaders should think of themselves as the servant of those they lead.

I take this to mean that while we usually think of leaders as “having” followers, Jesus turns this on its head. Instead he says that leaders should devote themselves to a vigilance for the good of those they lead, the way servants attend to their master’s good.

“Leaders should devote themselves to a vigilance for the good of those they lead.”

When Paul rejects dominance in leadership, he advocates that leaders instead should “work alongside others for their joy.” In contrast to the narcissist’s goal of using followers to supply them with positive attention, the true leader’s goal is to prompt others to deeper joy in God as a result of the leader’s partnership with them.

Peter also wrote to church leaders that instead of dominating their flocks, they should lead by example. This implies that an effective leader prioritizes personal obedience and discipleship over reprimand and force. In other words, she puts the lion’s share of her fervor into practicing what she preaches.

What strikes me about these biblical qualities for leadership is that they’re not inherently competitive. There can be more than one person in a group that exhibits these qualities. Not so with dominance, where There Can Be Only One. Biblical leadership includes. It collaborates. 

“In contrast to the narcissist’s goal of using followers to supply them with positive attention, the true leader’s goal is to prompt others to deeper joy in God as a result of the leader’s partnership with them.”

I would like to give a shout-out to my supervisor, Stacie Mickelson, for the ways she models godly leadership to me. As my supervisor, she regularly and concretely protects the interests of my healthy functioning on the Woven team. She listens well and dislodges obstacles. She balances my commitments and attends to my professional development. She also follows through on details like making sure my office chair isn’t hurting my back.  

In the team setting, Stacie leads meetings as though she’s working with friends and partners, not enemies to conquer or schlubs to drag along. In meetings she leads, even if she brings a clear agenda, I don’t get the sense she's forcing or dominating. Instead I find each of us heard and valued, as she shepherds the conversation towards healthy action. 

RESPOND

Meet Your Obstacles

In your leadership context today, identify what if any obstacles you would have to overcome to (a) think of yourself as a servant, (b) lead by example, or (c) throw your lot in as a fellow worker with those you lead.

Share your obstacles with a fellow leader. What is the Holy Spirit saying to you through your conversation, the Scriptures, or your prayer? What step of faith is the Holy Spirit inviting you to take next?

Encourage a Woman Leader

Think of a Christian woman leader that you know who leads by (a) positive example, (b) a servant’s heart, or (c) working alongside others for their joy.

Tell her today in person, in a note, or in a text, what you appreciate about her example of Christian leadership. If you have the platform, with her permission, share publicly what you appreciate about her leadership that others might learn from. Pray for her continued effectiveness as a leader in her setting.

Pray for Our Leaders

Think of a leader—either someone you know or a public figure—who seems to lead primarily by dominance.

First, see that person as a human being, created in the image of God. Pray that the Holy Spirit would work in her/his heart to create in them a desire to serve others and work alongside them for the good of all.

What are we missing?

Tell Us What We're Missing!

Share your story with woven

Share Your Story - Let's Connect!

Jessica Mason is a licensed minister, spiritual director, and research associate in Applied Research & Consulting at EGC. Her passion is to see God’s goodness revealed to and through Christian leaders and pillars in the Boston area.

The Awkward Dance: Christian Women Leaders Find Footing Amid Conflicts of Ideals

The Awkward Dance: Christian Women Leaders Find Footing Amid Conflicts of Ideals

by Jess Mason

When you think, “good Christian woman,” to what extent do you think, “effective leader?”

According to our research, Christian women leaders face conflicting ideals for women and for leaders in their communities, such that traits of effective leaders can contradict traits of admirable Christian women.

I believe that if these cultural ideals go unexamined, capable women may falsely doubt their fitness for leadership. They may also betray their leadership strengths—as well as their authentic selves—in order to conform to their culture’s image of a skilled leader.

In this post we explore six conflicts-of-ideals reported by participants at the Woven Consultation on Christian women in leadership in March 2016. In a series of follow-up posts in the coming months, we’ll look at these conflicts and consider: Where are these cultural ideals challenged by Scripture? Where do biblical examples shift—or broaden—the picture of what healthy leadership and/or healthy womanhood can look like?

THE LEADER-WOMAN DANCE

Conflicting ideals for leaders and women seem to begin in many cases with masculinized norms for leadership. One woman shared this challenge in terms of available role models: “Being shaped by male dominated fields, I don’t know [how] to lead being [a] woman.” Another woman reported, “In ministry, I’ve experienced that I had to be or act different than my true self as a woman because I had to act as a man.”

The Bible challenges the assumption that effective leaders must be men. Women in formal leadership roles include Deborah the judge, Junia the apostle, and Phoebe the deacon, among others. Women of extraordinary influence without official leadership roles include Esther, who planned and made an appeal to prevent an Israelite genocide, and Abigail, who confronted a battalion to lead David back to God’s word and will, setting the tone (and providing the land base) for David’s unparalleled reign over Israel.

To lead wholeheartedly, women leaders need to be set free from contradictory standards. As one Woven participant put it, “We need to be able to lead as women, not be shoehorned into leading like men.” Here are the cultural contradictions women leaders report navigating in their leadership settings.

SIX CONFLICTING IDEALS FOR LEADERS VS. WOMEN

1. Should I be dominant/aggressive or accommodating?

American culture can prize dominance in male leaders, sometimes to a blinding degree. One woman mentioned a “dominating male” ideal for leadership. Another observed, “Women need to be more aggressive…to compete with their male counterparts in business.”

But leaders must change their tune to be considered admirable women: “Being an alpha female is…too manly.” One woman shared that, “Women can’t be aggressive in advocating for themselves.” Multiple leaders reported that the more common expectation on women is that they “be available” and “meet everyone’s expectations.”

2. Should I be direct/assertive or agreeable?

One minister shared that over her years in leadership she has had to force herself to be more “direct” than she feels comfortable being as a woman. Others affirmed this tension: “Women aren’t assertive.” “It is hard to confront people.” “It's not feminine to disagree.”

3. Should I be confident or self-effacing?

Many women reported feeling that leaders are supposed to appear strong and put-together at all times, and not show weakness or vulnerability. The expected appearance of strength led one leader to lament, a “leader must be always confident. I’m not always confident.” In fact, the very opposite of confidence may be expected of women: “I must present myself as ‘less-than’ to be liked.”

4. Should I be hard or nice?

Like the 19th century children’s nursery rhyme—sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of—women are expected to be “always happy and positive all the time.” Bottom line: “Women should be nice.”

But one woman shared the expectation that as a leader, “it’s better to be hard than vulnerable.” Another shared that she felt the need to come across as “hard” to be effective in her leadership context, even though “that’s not my true self.”

5. Should I be decisive or consensus-building?

While women agreed there are different types of leadership, some felt forced to choose between false opposites. One wrote that leadership tends to be narrowly defined by those already in power, with principles like, “good leaders are decisive, not consensus building.”

One leader felt she had to decide between being a “good decision-maker” and being a “follower, as expected [of women] from a cultural and social perspective.”

6. Should I be unemotional or emotional?

A common tension for women in leadership is the scope and extent to which emotions and emotional expression have a role in effective leadership. One woman shared that she hears the message that women are supposed to be “giving and emotional.” Another wrote, “women are the weaker/emotional/vulnerable gender.” But, as previously stated, leaders are expected not to show vulnerability.

Without the acknowledgement of emotions as a potential source of insight, the expected emotionality in women would appear to do nothing more than cripple effective leadership.

RESPOND

Tell Us What You Think

We hope this article fosters discussion, reflection, and greater awareness of your leadership choices in your various work and life settings. Please join the Facebook discussion to add your thoughts and experiences. 

Share Your Story

Have you experienced any part of this awkward dance in your community? Or does your community have some wisdom you’d like to share? If you have a fuller story to share, contact Jess Mason at jmason [at] egc.org about contributing a personal reflection blog post.

What Else Should WOVEN Be Discussing?

Is there a part of the leader-woman dance that was not mentioned that you would like to bring to our attention? Contact Jess Mason at jmason [at] egc.org to share your insights.

Jess Mason is a licensed minister, spiritual director, and research associate in ARC@EGC. Her passion is to see God’s goodness revealed to and through Christian leaders and pillars in the Boston area.

Keeping Work in its Place

Keeping Work in its Place

By WOVEN SEPTEMBER 30TH, 2016

Happy Fall from the EGC Woven crew! I want to share a tidbit of wisdom from one of the table groups at the May Woven Consultation to help us stay balanced this fall:

Don’t let your work be an idol—

Seek healing for the holes in ourselves.

Be whole in God

Be rooted in Christ.

As we know, letting something be an idol means looking to something other than God to make our lives worthwhile—to make life worth living or give us personal worth. Idols cause anxiety and imbalance because they can never be as secure or enduring as our relationship with God.

Over the years I’ve contended with the idol of achievement. I’ve mis-measured my life‘s worth based on how much I was accomplishing. When I give in to that idol, I overtax my body, cut corners on my spiritual life, and rationalize emotional chaos as the cost of doing business.

Others may be tempted to make idols of their work in other ways—maybe they lean too hard on their work to give them respect, purpose, or power to provide, not ultimately trusting God for those needs.

How can we avoid making work an idol? I find these prayerful reminders helpful:

1. God, my life’s worth (or dignity, or provision) comes from You. My work is just what I do for now.

2. Lord, help me make today be less about working for You, and more about walking with You.

3. Holy Spirit, help me to draw work boundaries in places that are pleasing to You.

I’ll leave you with the wisdom of one Woven participant—“We see success as fulfilling our mission in life, but God sees our obedience as success.”

Want to write (or video?) a personal reflection for the Woven community on what helps you stay balanced? Let us know! Email Jess at jmason [at] egc.org. 

Jess Mason is a licensed minister, spiritual director, and research associate in ARC@EGC. Her passion is to see God’s goodness revealed to and through Christian leaders and pillars in the Boston area.

7 Twisted Messages: Findings from the 2016 Woven Consultation

7 Twisted Messages

Findings from the 2016 Woven Women’s Leadership Consultation

By WOVEN AUGUST 5TH, 2016

Do the Christian women you know lead lives of healthy balance?

On March 5, 2016, over 100 Boston-area women (non-profit leaders, mothers, students, businesswomen, pastors and other leaders) gathered to address this question. Women of various ethnicities, church affiliations and ages devoted their Saturday to considering what healthy balance looks like for Christian women, along with the hinderances they face in living and leading wholeheartedly.

The result? Not surprisingly, this cross-section of Christians first affirmed a timeless reality: for Christians, healthy life balance means aligning with God’s wise priorities as revealed in Scripture. 

Going deeper, they brought to light that for today’s Boston-area Christian women, God’s priorities have enemies — counterfeit messages that pervade our local culture and lurk in Christian spaces. 

This is what we heard.

SEVEN TWISTED MESSAGES CHRISTIAN WOMEN LEADERS HEAR

1. Do everything asked, for everyone who asks, without delay, or you've failed.

Over a third of the women struggled to set or adjust priorities in ways that ensured inner peace. What’s more, they felt unable or forbidden to deprioritize any people or opportunities, leading to unceasing guilt and disappointment.

I expect myself to say yes to every need that is within my gifting.

I spend too much time helping others and not doing what God has called me to do.

2. No failure or learning curve allowed for women.

A third of the women felt pressure to do everything right the first time, or be judged as failures in their role as Christian leaders.

I despise my learning curve, even though I love learning. I feel judged by my behavior, so I want to do more and do it effectively, instead of learning as I go, or even learning and then acting.

I feel I need to be in control / all knowledgeable even though I’ve never done this (my ministry) before.

3. Effective leaders don't show weakness, vulnerability, or need for others.

Despite some women’s expressed concerns that they lack the time, energy or resources to accomplish what others are asking of them, a number of women echoed false narratives that denied their legitimate needs for others—needs like support, mentoring or even God’s empowerment. Some comments revealed a belief that good leaders are supposed to be a source of unwavering strength for others.

To be a strong, independent woman means not allowing for true vulnerability, means ‘sucking it up,’ means always thinking of others first.

It is wrong to admit to being tired, or to admit, ‘I don’t know.’

I need a safe space to not be okay.

4. Women should lead like men to be effective; for women to act like men is distasteful.

Experienced women leaders felt pressure to “lead like a man” in order to be effective in certain contexts. But paradoxically, some women reported that if they display qualities more commonly associated with men—being “assertive,” “confrontational” or “aggressive”—these are deemed inappropriate for women. Christian women leaders are navigating this catch-22 to provide authentic leadership.

Those in power decide the characteristics of who is a good leader and what good leadership is, and that often looks like them. For example, ‘good leaders are decisive, not consensus building.’

In ministry, I’ve experienced that I had to be or act different than my true self (as a woman) because I had to act as a man (hard, direct) which is not my true self.

5. Busy is the new godly.

Many women pointed to a culture of busyness that encourages them to fill all of their time with activity. For some, this is framed as spiritual virtue; i.e., because I am blessed by God, I’m obligated to serve others as much as humanly possible.

Having a full schedule is the right way to live… free time or downtime is of no value.

Rest and slowing down is selfish.

6. I'm never enough.

Over a dozen women revealed clouds of impossible standards hanging over their heads. Many of the statements were vague pronouncements like “perfection” or “perfect parenting.” Ten women mentioned unattainable standards of physical beauty. Several shared some version of the expectation that they should be “further along in life by now.”

I feel like I need to look pretty, be smart, witty, strong, confident, not overly emotional, helpful, charming, graceful and gracious—all in one!

Women of color in leadership need to be more, better, extra than EVERYONE else just to be invited to this table. If I am not articulate, competent, attractive enough, my voice will not be acknowledged; neither will the voice of those who identify with me who will come behind me.

7. Christian women leaders are in competition with each other.

A smaller group, citing a shortage of leadership opportunities for women in some places, observed a “scarcity mindset” among women in leadership. They lamented that women may unnecessarily see one another as competitors instead of as important allies.

GOOD NEWS—THE WORK HAS ALREADY STARTED

Thanks to the Spirit’s work in them, the women of the Woven Consultation already recognize these messages as errors—severe hindrances to God’s redemptive work in the world. Throughout the Consultation, women heartened each other with practical tips for standing in Christ against these unhealthy tides.

But this is not enough. They also need the wider Christian community to join them—to think and act creatively alongside them—so we can all thrive together in our pursuit of Christ’s best for our families, our churches, our community and our city.

HOW CAN MEN & WOMEN HELP?

SHARE BIBLICAL HOPE

• Meditate on Scripture to find biblical wisdom to counteract each of these false narratives.

• Expose these distortions in small group discussions, Bible studies and sermons.

MENTOR WOMEN

• Share the habits you practice that help you combat these distortions and help you to lead a balanced life. For example, encourage Sabbath-keeping and the healthy rhythms of a grace-filled life.

• Be careful about the behavior that you publicly praise or reward. Make sure to encourage self-care and healthy boundaries just as much as hard work and sacrifice.

• Model and encourage gospel-based balance through self-care, rest and healthy boundaries.

ENGAGE YOUR COMMUNITY

• Discuss the 7 Twisted Messages with a friend or small group. Is the Lord leading you to confront any distorted messages in your life?

• Commit to naming and challenging these distortions as you observe them in your church-community, workplace or family.

WOVEN CAN HELP

Want to address these twisted messages in your church, but don't know where to start? Woven supports churches and Christian leaders through...

Convening  

Annual women’s leadership consultation and monthly cohort groups to share stories, build relationship and to collectively discern ways to take action toward empowering and supporting women, churches and communities.

Consulting  

Technical assistance to churches, women‘s networks and organizations.

Applied Research  

Collaborative research and community engagement on challenging urban justice issues facing Boston’s churches, with a current focus on gender justice, public health, and youth.

2016 WOVEN CONSULTATION [Photojournal]

WOVEN CONSULTATION

March 5th, 2016

By WOVEN

WOVEN CONSULTATION 2016

- A gathering of Christian women: leaders in the home, church, workplace, and community.
- A space to share stories, foster relationships, and develop strategies for overcoming obstacles.
- Dependent on prayer, permeated by fellowship, and yielding a practical response to equip churches to better support women.

SEEKING WHOLENESS

Though drawn together for assorted reasons, the women who gathered shared a common commitment to Christ and a desire for wholeness. Whether they admitted to feeling overwhelmingly busy or being satisfied with their pace of life, all knew well the struggle of maintaining balance through life’s changing seasons.

WELCOMING DIVERSITY

Beauty arose from their shared desire to grow as women of God as well as from their dynamic diversity. The Consultation welcomed 104 women from all generations, 59 occupations, 53 churches, and 45 Christian ministries throughout Greater Boston. Their racial diversity reflected the people of the city. Women who were differently abled were well served. The babies of young mothers joined in and children played nearby under watchful care.

“I like the fact that the leaders are helping to create safe spaces for women. I love the diversity!”

“Refreshing to be with women across denominational lines.”

“So nice to network with others outside my church walls.”

“I could see that people with varying abilities were welcomed and had a part to play.”

“Connecting with a diverse group of women is necessary to move forward towards all justice issues.”

HERE'S MY STORY

Five women shared stories from the front of the room that explored their pursuit of balance: What is it? What are the obstacles? What resources are there for realizing balance? How do we move ahead? As stories were told and hearts were opened, women found comfort in shared experiences, support in their journey, and inspiration to take the next step toward wholeness in Christ. 

“I want to know more from women I wouldn’t typically gather with on a regular basis to expand my horizons. This is a big world and we serve a BIG GREAT God who is the master of it all. There is a reason why we are all here together. We need to stop isolating ourselves!”

“I loved that people were willing to share their lives and struggles and there was no judgement, only others willing to hold each other up.”

REFLECTION AND PRAYER

After each story, the women entered into quiet times of personal reflection, active table discussion, and interactive text polling. Women were moved to pray for each another, admonish each other, and offer loving support. 

“Meeting other women in ministry who love the Lord was a highlight and it was helpful to draw out concerns I probably wouldn’t address otherwise.”

“Being a part of a larger community facing similar issues is very empowering.”

IMAGINING SOLUTIONS, DEVELOPING STRATEGIES

Moved to address the obstacles to balance and wholeness which they exposed and identified, the women worked together, shared resources, and collectively imagined how these obstacles could be overcome. Principles and guidelines gleaned from the wisdom and practical advice shared around each table will be passed on to churches in Greater Boston so they can better support Christian women in leadership.

EXPERIENCING GROWTH

At the day’s end, each woman left with something new, changed by what the Lord had done through this time in community. Some summarized their experience with words like “empowered” and “encouraged.” Hope came with many faces: renewed relationships, fresh strategies, and personal support in the seasons to come. The Consultation staff looks forward to supporting and equipping women leaders as they move forward in grace and see God’s work blossom and grow.

“The Woven Consultation helped to empower me in my walk with Christ even more and also in my calling. I further enjoyed the connections and relatable stories shared.”

“God really spoke to me, challenged me, provoked me and reassured me. I met new people.”

“I am going away more alive and empowered about living authentically before the Lord and others.”

The Woven Consultation is a project of the Applied Research and Consulting Department at Emmanuel Gospel Center.

The Unsolved Leadership Challenge

The Unsolved Leadership Challenge

AIM OF THIS STUDY

In this study of new church development in Greater Boston, we identified at least 95 new congregations which have started in the last seven years. Forty-six were within the city limits of Boston. We completed 41 in-depth interviews with church planters who represented several different denominations, ethnic groups, and networks. The research yielded general information about the church planters and the new churches, with a special focus on women in leadership. The hope is that this study can become a source of “mainstreaming” gender parity discourse within the church, as part of an overall discussion of the practical needs of church planters in the areas of leadership and ministry development

A Report on the 2014 Woven Consultation Day for Christian Women Leaders

Why a Consultation Day

Christian churches believe that all people, regardless of race, ethnicity or gender, are created in the image of God. Yet, often the Church falls short of honoring that image. Anecdotal and statistical evidence shows that women face disproportionate levels of violence, discrimination and challenge at least as much in churches as out.