Leading By Letting Go: Skills in Courageous Leadership for Healthy Collaborations

Leading By Letting Go: Skills in Courageous Leadership for Healthy Collaborations

By the Woven Team

At Woven, Christian women leaders gather to encourage and consult one another. For this year’s consultation, we focused on igniting local collective-action movements. Morning plenary sessions gave practical tools and best practices for effective collaboration and movement building. In the afternoon, women participated in one of two workshops, where they advised local networks focused on social justice and church unity. This blog celebrates the leadership growth we observed from that gathering.

Godly leadership is not about taking control on behalf of God—it’s about taking the lead in making room for God. Knowing how to make space for the movement of God is especially true in collaborative situations.

When we work for a collaborative mission—without seeking individual accolades—Jesus moves freely. And when Jesus moves freely, God’s design for the Church comes alive.

As the women engaged at Woven, they showed courage and growth in collaborative leadership. Here we celebrate that growth and share it with you for your reflection and action in your spheres of influence.

GROWTH AREAS FOR Christian LEADERSHIP IN COLLABORATIONS

Growth Area #1: Surrendering the Mission Back to God

Once you enter a collaborative situation, prepare to lay down what you think is “the mission” on the altar of trust in God’s wisdom. While God may call you to pick it back up, allow yourself time to hear from God—maybe through others—about God’s assignment and priorities.

Unity is not inviting or bringing people along towards your mission statement. Our own mission statement is not the whole of God’s mission within a collaboration.

“Unity is not inviting or bringing people along towards your mission statement.”

Instead, as we put ourselves into a broader array of work God is doing, we piece together all the missions, like a stained-glass window.  Our mission is just one broken piece of glass that God fits with others. If you’re in a leadership role within the collaboration, prepare to facilitate discovery and clarification of a shared mission.

In past years, we designed the Woven consultation day to invite women to discuss their own leadership challenges and supports. This year we decided to focus on building skills for collaboration. We designed a time that would challenge the women to apply the values described here.

Towards that end, we designed workshops that would require the women to lay aside their expectations and agendas to work together towards a concrete goal, in this case, building movements for social justice and Christian unity. We are grateful to the women for their flexibility.        

Growth Area #2: Letting Go of Control

As you step into a community of people who are thinking differently, prepare to experience a new level of trust in God.

Letting others change your perspective is uncomfortable. But as women who have let go of needing to be the one with all the answers know, this openness is critical to engaging in unity work.

In the social justice workshop, one Woven team member was taking whiteboard notes while a group of women was refining language for a discussion question. She noticed that women were using the word “difference” in unexpected ways. Seeking further clarity, she started asking clarifying questions about what the women meant by “difference” and advocated for a specific definition. In doing so, she confused some people and distracted the group from brainstorming ideas. On later reflection, she realized that she needed to set aside her need for precision in order just to listen and capture what the women were saying.

As you listen, try not to “correct” others' thoughts. Instead, focus on gaining perspective. This different focus sometimes requires laying aside how you think a conversation or activity should go.    

Growth Area #3: Sharing Resources

Sacrificial giving is critical to collaboration. If you offer your resources into God’s hands, you might receive them back from the woman next to you, who is giving up her stuff for you. Or you might be the one giving up things for her benefit.

Everyone in a collaboration needs to come into a sharing posture. One participant describes, “Coming in, I didn't realize I'd be engaged in consultancy.  So I had to shift from ‘What do I get out of this immediately?’ to a ‘How do I serve/give?’ mindset and trust that my purpose for being here will be revealed—maybe even after today.”

“Everyone in a collaboration needs to come into a sharing posture.”

By laying aside her agenda, this woman gave herself as a resource. She decided to share her focus, her listening ear, and her expertise as a gift to the workshop group.

Growth Area #4: Role Shifting

Be prepared that you may need to play a different role than the one you are accustomed to. When entering a collaboration, ask God to remind you what has served you in the past, and what has proved useful others. He’ll guide you to the best ways to lead and collaborate in the present situation.

All the Woven participants are experienced leaders, serving in leadership roles in their homes, churches, and organizations. But in the workshop times, many women saw the need to take a follower posture, playing a supportive role—sometimes even for a topic in which they are accomplished experts.

One woman notes, “I did need to continually remind myself of the different places that people were coming from to have this discussion.” In seeing this diversity, she was able to adjust her participation to what the larger group needed.

Growth Area #5: Admitting Failure & Celebrating Success

“Don’t wait for an “end” to celebrate!”

Collaboration doesn’t happen overnight without setbacks or missteps. Learning together requires honest evaluation and continual reflection. Admitting failure builds trust and transparency—prerequisites for genuine cooperation.

Conversely, celebrating successes as we realize them is foundational. Collaboration is a journey, not a destination. Don’t wait for an “end” to celebrate!

When you observe others sharing themselves generously or with bravery, call it out and praise it. When the group pushes through obstacles or engages in hard conversations, celebrate that dedication together.

Woven participants give day-end feedback surveys, and many also seek out team members to share their input in person. We’re grateful that women let us know what tools worked and which felt bulky or distracting. They shared how we could have fine-tuned our facilitation. We welcome and celebrate this feedback. How could any of us improve without honest evaluation?

We see Woven as successful, not because it is flawless, but because it’s an adaptive space that grows based on feedback. We’re honored to support a space where women can come and share as they are, learning and growing together.

One participant shared, “It is not easy for me to share my opinions/thoughts in other circles because of traditions, etc. I tend to be shy anyway. Woven is a place that I felt welcome to speak up. More than that, Boston needs women working towards transformation in all spheres, and Woven encourages me and others.”

The Woven Team 

(Left to Right) Liza Cagua-Koo, EGC Assistant Director, facilitated the social justice workshop. Jess Mason, EGC Supervising Editor, took notes. Nika Elugardo, EGC Leadership Systems Architect, led a plenary session and facilitated the unity workshop. Stacie Mickelson, EGC Director of Applied Research & Consulting, facilitated the consultation day.

Keeping Work in its Place

Keeping Work in its Place

By WOVEN SEPTEMBER 30TH, 2016

Happy Fall from the EGC Woven crew! I want to share a tidbit of wisdom from one of the table groups at the May Woven Consultation to help us stay balanced this fall:

Don’t let your work be an idol—

Seek healing for the holes in ourselves.

Be whole in God

Be rooted in Christ.

As we know, letting something be an idol means looking to something other than God to make our lives worthwhile—to make life worth living or give us personal worth. Idols cause anxiety and imbalance because they can never be as secure or enduring as our relationship with God.

Over the years I’ve contended with the idol of achievement. I’ve mis-measured my life‘s worth based on how much I was accomplishing. When I give in to that idol, I overtax my body, cut corners on my spiritual life, and rationalize emotional chaos as the cost of doing business.

Others may be tempted to make idols of their work in other ways—maybe they lean too hard on their work to give them respect, purpose, or power to provide, not ultimately trusting God for those needs.

How can we avoid making work an idol? I find these prayerful reminders helpful:

1. God, my life’s worth (or dignity, or provision) comes from You. My work is just what I do for now.

2. Lord, help me make today be less about working for You, and more about walking with You.

3. Holy Spirit, help me to draw work boundaries in places that are pleasing to You.

I’ll leave you with the wisdom of one Woven participant—“We see success as fulfilling our mission in life, but God sees our obedience as success.”

Want to write (or video?) a personal reflection for the Woven community on what helps you stay balanced? Let us know! Email Jess at jmason [at] egc.org. 

Jess Mason is a licensed minister, spiritual director, and research associate in ARC@EGC. Her passion is to see God’s goodness revealed to and through Christian leaders and pillars in the Boston area.

7 Twisted Messages: Findings from the 2016 Woven Consultation

7 Twisted Messages

Findings from the 2016 Woven Women’s Leadership Consultation

By WOVEN AUGUST 5TH, 2016

Do the Christian women you know lead lives of healthy balance?

On March 5, 2016, over 100 Boston-area women (non-profit leaders, mothers, students, businesswomen, pastors and other leaders) gathered to address this question. Women of various ethnicities, church affiliations and ages devoted their Saturday to considering what healthy balance looks like for Christian women, along with the hinderances they face in living and leading wholeheartedly.

The result? Not surprisingly, this cross-section of Christians first affirmed a timeless reality: for Christians, healthy life balance means aligning with God’s wise priorities as revealed in Scripture. 

Going deeper, they brought to light that for today’s Boston-area Christian women, God’s priorities have enemies — counterfeit messages that pervade our local culture and lurk in Christian spaces. 

This is what we heard.

SEVEN TWISTED MESSAGES CHRISTIAN WOMEN LEADERS HEAR

1. Do everything asked, for everyone who asks, without delay, or you've failed.

Over a third of the women struggled to set or adjust priorities in ways that ensured inner peace. What’s more, they felt unable or forbidden to deprioritize any people or opportunities, leading to unceasing guilt and disappointment.

I expect myself to say yes to every need that is within my gifting.

I spend too much time helping others and not doing what God has called me to do.

2. No failure or learning curve allowed for women.

A third of the women felt pressure to do everything right the first time, or be judged as failures in their role as Christian leaders.

I despise my learning curve, even though I love learning. I feel judged by my behavior, so I want to do more and do it effectively, instead of learning as I go, or even learning and then acting.

I feel I need to be in control / all knowledgeable even though I’ve never done this (my ministry) before.

3. Effective leaders don't show weakness, vulnerability, or need for others.

Despite some women’s expressed concerns that they lack the time, energy or resources to accomplish what others are asking of them, a number of women echoed false narratives that denied their legitimate needs for others—needs like support, mentoring or even God’s empowerment. Some comments revealed a belief that good leaders are supposed to be a source of unwavering strength for others.

To be a strong, independent woman means not allowing for true vulnerability, means ‘sucking it up,’ means always thinking of others first.

It is wrong to admit to being tired, or to admit, ‘I don’t know.’

I need a safe space to not be okay.

4. Women should lead like men to be effective; for women to act like men is distasteful.

Experienced women leaders felt pressure to “lead like a man” in order to be effective in certain contexts. But paradoxically, some women reported that if they display qualities more commonly associated with men—being “assertive,” “confrontational” or “aggressive”—these are deemed inappropriate for women. Christian women leaders are navigating this catch-22 to provide authentic leadership.

Those in power decide the characteristics of who is a good leader and what good leadership is, and that often looks like them. For example, ‘good leaders are decisive, not consensus building.’

In ministry, I’ve experienced that I had to be or act different than my true self (as a woman) because I had to act as a man (hard, direct) which is not my true self.

5. Busy is the new godly.

Many women pointed to a culture of busyness that encourages them to fill all of their time with activity. For some, this is framed as spiritual virtue; i.e., because I am blessed by God, I’m obligated to serve others as much as humanly possible.

Having a full schedule is the right way to live… free time or downtime is of no value.

Rest and slowing down is selfish.

6. I'm never enough.

Over a dozen women revealed clouds of impossible standards hanging over their heads. Many of the statements were vague pronouncements like “perfection” or “perfect parenting.” Ten women mentioned unattainable standards of physical beauty. Several shared some version of the expectation that they should be “further along in life by now.”

I feel like I need to look pretty, be smart, witty, strong, confident, not overly emotional, helpful, charming, graceful and gracious—all in one!

Women of color in leadership need to be more, better, extra than EVERYONE else just to be invited to this table. If I am not articulate, competent, attractive enough, my voice will not be acknowledged; neither will the voice of those who identify with me who will come behind me.

7. Christian women leaders are in competition with each other.

A smaller group, citing a shortage of leadership opportunities for women in some places, observed a “scarcity mindset” among women in leadership. They lamented that women may unnecessarily see one another as competitors instead of as important allies.

GOOD NEWS—THE WORK HAS ALREADY STARTED

Thanks to the Spirit’s work in them, the women of the Woven Consultation already recognize these messages as errors—severe hindrances to God’s redemptive work in the world. Throughout the Consultation, women heartened each other with practical tips for standing in Christ against these unhealthy tides.

But this is not enough. They also need the wider Christian community to join them—to think and act creatively alongside them—so we can all thrive together in our pursuit of Christ’s best for our families, our churches, our community and our city.

HOW CAN MEN & WOMEN HELP?

SHARE BIBLICAL HOPE

• Meditate on Scripture to find biblical wisdom to counteract each of these false narratives.

• Expose these distortions in small group discussions, Bible studies and sermons.

MENTOR WOMEN

• Share the habits you practice that help you combat these distortions and help you to lead a balanced life. For example, encourage Sabbath-keeping and the healthy rhythms of a grace-filled life.

• Be careful about the behavior that you publicly praise or reward. Make sure to encourage self-care and healthy boundaries just as much as hard work and sacrifice.

• Model and encourage gospel-based balance through self-care, rest and healthy boundaries.

ENGAGE YOUR COMMUNITY

• Discuss the 7 Twisted Messages with a friend or small group. Is the Lord leading you to confront any distorted messages in your life?

• Commit to naming and challenging these distortions as you observe them in your church-community, workplace or family.

WOVEN CAN HELP

Want to address these twisted messages in your church, but don't know where to start? Woven supports churches and Christian leaders through...

Convening  

Annual women’s leadership consultation and monthly cohort groups to share stories, build relationship and to collectively discern ways to take action toward empowering and supporting women, churches and communities.

Consulting  

Technical assistance to churches, women‘s networks and organizations.

Applied Research  

Collaborative research and community engagement on challenging urban justice issues facing Boston’s churches, with a current focus on gender justice, public health, and youth.

The Unsolved Leadership Challenge

The Unsolved Leadership Challenge

AIM OF THIS STUDY

In this study of new church development in Greater Boston, we identified at least 95 new congregations which have started in the last seven years. Forty-six were within the city limits of Boston. We completed 41 in-depth interviews with church planters who represented several different denominations, ethnic groups, and networks. The research yielded general information about the church planters and the new churches, with a special focus on women in leadership. The hope is that this study can become a source of “mainstreaming” gender parity discourse within the church, as part of an overall discussion of the practical needs of church planters in the areas of leadership and ministry development