Leading By Letting Go: Skills in Courageous Leadership for Healthy Collaborations

Leading By Letting Go: Skills in Courageous Leadership for Healthy Collaborations

By the Woven Team

At Woven, Christian women leaders gather to encourage and consult one another. For this year’s consultation, we focused on igniting local collective-action movements. Morning plenary sessions gave practical tools and best practices for effective collaboration and movement building. In the afternoon, women participated in one of two workshops, where they advised local networks focused on social justice and church unity. This blog celebrates the leadership growth we observed from that gathering.

Godly leadership is not about taking control on behalf of God—it’s about taking the lead in making room for God. Knowing how to make space for the movement of God is especially true in collaborative situations.

When we work for a collaborative mission—without seeking individual accolades—Jesus moves freely. And when Jesus moves freely, God’s design for the Church comes alive.

As the women engaged at Woven, they showed courage and growth in collaborative leadership. Here we celebrate that growth and share it with you for your reflection and action in your spheres of influence.

GROWTH AREAS FOR Christian LEADERSHIP IN COLLABORATIONS

Growth Area #1: Surrendering the Mission Back to God

Once you enter a collaborative situation, prepare to lay down what you think is “the mission” on the altar of trust in God’s wisdom. While God may call you to pick it back up, allow yourself time to hear from God—maybe through others—about God’s assignment and priorities.

Unity is not inviting or bringing people along towards your mission statement. Our own mission statement is not the whole of God’s mission within a collaboration.

“Unity is not inviting or bringing people along towards your mission statement.”

Instead, as we put ourselves into a broader array of work God is doing, we piece together all the missions, like a stained-glass window.  Our mission is just one broken piece of glass that God fits with others. If you’re in a leadership role within the collaboration, prepare to facilitate discovery and clarification of a shared mission.

In past years, we designed the Woven consultation day to invite women to discuss their own leadership challenges and supports. This year we decided to focus on building skills for collaboration. We designed a time that would challenge the women to apply the values described here.

Towards that end, we designed workshops that would require the women to lay aside their expectations and agendas to work together towards a concrete goal, in this case, building movements for social justice and Christian unity. We are grateful to the women for their flexibility.        

Growth Area #2: Letting Go of Control

As you step into a community of people who are thinking differently, prepare to experience a new level of trust in God.

Letting others change your perspective is uncomfortable. But as women who have let go of needing to be the one with all the answers know, this openness is critical to engaging in unity work.

In the social justice workshop, one Woven team member was taking whiteboard notes while a group of women was refining language for a discussion question. She noticed that women were using the word “difference” in unexpected ways. Seeking further clarity, she started asking clarifying questions about what the women meant by “difference” and advocated for a specific definition. In doing so, she confused some people and distracted the group from brainstorming ideas. On later reflection, she realized that she needed to set aside her need for precision in order just to listen and capture what the women were saying.

As you listen, try not to “correct” others' thoughts. Instead, focus on gaining perspective. This different focus sometimes requires laying aside how you think a conversation or activity should go.    

Growth Area #3: Sharing Resources

Sacrificial giving is critical to collaboration. If you offer your resources into God’s hands, you might receive them back from the woman next to you, who is giving up her stuff for you. Or you might be the one giving up things for her benefit.

Everyone in a collaboration needs to come into a sharing posture. One participant describes, “Coming in, I didn't realize I'd be engaged in consultancy.  So I had to shift from ‘What do I get out of this immediately?’ to a ‘How do I serve/give?’ mindset and trust that my purpose for being here will be revealed—maybe even after today.”

“Everyone in a collaboration needs to come into a sharing posture.”

By laying aside her agenda, this woman gave herself as a resource. She decided to share her focus, her listening ear, and her expertise as a gift to the workshop group.

Growth Area #4: Role Shifting

Be prepared that you may need to play a different role than the one you are accustomed to. When entering a collaboration, ask God to remind you what has served you in the past, and what has proved useful others. He’ll guide you to the best ways to lead and collaborate in the present situation.

All the Woven participants are experienced leaders, serving in leadership roles in their homes, churches, and organizations. But in the workshop times, many women saw the need to take a follower posture, playing a supportive role—sometimes even for a topic in which they are accomplished experts.

One woman notes, “I did need to continually remind myself of the different places that people were coming from to have this discussion.” In seeing this diversity, she was able to adjust her participation to what the larger group needed.

Growth Area #5: Admitting Failure & Celebrating Success

“Don’t wait for an “end” to celebrate!”

Collaboration doesn’t happen overnight without setbacks or missteps. Learning together requires honest evaluation and continual reflection. Admitting failure builds trust and transparency—prerequisites for genuine cooperation.

Conversely, celebrating successes as we realize them is foundational. Collaboration is a journey, not a destination. Don’t wait for an “end” to celebrate!

When you observe others sharing themselves generously or with bravery, call it out and praise it. When the group pushes through obstacles or engages in hard conversations, celebrate that dedication together.

Woven participants give day-end feedback surveys, and many also seek out team members to share their input in person. We’re grateful that women let us know what tools worked and which felt bulky or distracting. They shared how we could have fine-tuned our facilitation. We welcome and celebrate this feedback. How could any of us improve without honest evaluation?

We see Woven as successful, not because it is flawless, but because it’s an adaptive space that grows based on feedback. We’re honored to support a space where women can come and share as they are, learning and growing together.

One participant shared, “It is not easy for me to share my opinions/thoughts in other circles because of traditions, etc. I tend to be shy anyway. Woven is a place that I felt welcome to speak up. More than that, Boston needs women working towards transformation in all spheres, and Woven encourages me and others.”

The Woven Team 

(Left to Right) Liza Cagua-Koo, EGC Assistant Director, facilitated the social justice workshop. Jess Mason, EGC Supervising Editor, took notes. Nika Elugardo, EGC Leadership Systems Architect, led a plenary session and facilitated the unity workshop. Stacie Mickelson, EGC Director of Applied Research & Consulting, facilitated the consultation day.

Avoiding Babel: 5 Tips for Spiritually Healthy Collaborations

Avoiding Babel: 5 Tips for Spiritually Healthy Collaborations

By Jess Mason

Does Christian collaboration move us towards God’s ideal of healthy urban life? If we're working together to accomplish a justice-oriented goal, does that mean we’re honoring God’s will and reflecting Christ’s love together? It depends. We may just be building another Tower of Babel.

For Christian leaders, collaboration minus discernment can add up to idolatry.

Babel as Cautionary Tale

The story of the Tower of Babel is the classic Biblical warning against ill-conceived collaborations. A group of people with a common language work together to build a city with a high tower. This endeavor displeases God, who then confuses their language to hinder their cooperation. Why?

While scholars diverge on the exact sin in the Tower of Babel story, the people appeared to be taking collaborative action without openness or obedience to God. Christian leaders have a part to play in the Church avoiding Babel in Boston.

5 Disciplines for Avoiding a Babel Scenario

1. Beware empowerment for empowerment’s sake.

You have to hand it to the people building Babel—at least they weren’t at war with each other. They were in complete harmony, with plans for a shared urban prosperity. What’s wrong with that? Isn’t that what Boston Christian leaders are working for?

“Collaboration minus discernment can add up to idolatry.”

The problem is that humans alone can't fully envision ultimate urban prosperity.

The people of Babel thought they should build a tower to reach God (Babel means "gate of God"). How could they have predicted God’s solution to the distance between God and humankind? They couldn’t know about the coming of Jesus, the cross, or the indwelling Holy Spirit. But God knew.

I attended the third Woven Consultation on Christian Women in Leadership in June. There the Woven team warned us, the would-be ministry collaborators, against shared empowerment for empowerment’s sake.

Setting a tone of spiritual openness for the day, wise leaders warned us against judging the success of the day merely by the creation of action steps. Instead, the Woven team offered us permission NOT to take action if that’s how the Spirit was leading. Alicia Fenton-Greenaway, the founder of Esther Generation, further shared that real progress for Christians means that real progress for Christians means being comfortable with not knowing the outcome of what the Spirit is accomplishing, yet still committing to the process of advancing the work of the Spirit in our souls, groups, or communities.

If we want the highest vision of human thriving for Boston, we'll want to listen together for God’s guidance on what is needed next.

2. Beware action from anger or fear — favor action inspired by love.

What was the motive for building Babel? Partly, the people didn't want to "be scattered over the earth.” The people may have feared a second flood and wanted to fortify themselves against God’s judgment. Or they may have been putting down roots in rebellion against God's command to multiply and fill the earth.

Whether from fear or anger, the people decided together that Babel was their vision of human thriving. 

“Fear, as well as anger, when we look at them in solitude and quiet, reveal to us how deeply our sense of worth is dependent either on our success in the world or on the opinions of others. We suddenly realize we have become what we do or what others think of us.” - Henri Nouwen”

Anger is powerful—it can energize us away from the status quo. But anger alone isn’t a wise guide to strategic action and can lead to counterproductive reactions. We need Christ’s love—for us and for others—to sustain us through the bumpy journey towards lasting change.

Similarly, fear can be useful—to make us aware of risks. But we need Jesus’ love to balance risk with appropriate courage.

Anger and fear can make us, for example, condemn human trafficking. But Christ’s love and guidance are what sustains the exploitation aftercare program Amirah House through their years of steady trauma care and strategic advocacy to bring about systemic change.

3. Beware obsession with branding.

“Come, let’s build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens so that we may make a name for ourselves.”

“We can trust God to grow our group’s reputation as far as His purposes require.”

In today's culture, churches and Christian organizations create their brand to be clear with the public about what they stand for. But God has not laid on those teams the responsibility to control how prominent their brand becomes, and at what pace.

I ran a non-profit organization for five years under a tremendous weight of needing to build brand recognition. I can attest to how merciless—and distracting—that burden can be. 

We don’t need to be anxious to "make a name" for our ministry. As we’re clear about what we stand for and diligent in what God has led us to do, we can trust God to grow our group’s reputation as far as His purposes require.

4. Beware celebrating new skills and accomplishments without celebrating growth in Christian character.

The people building Babel were innovators. They developed the technology for bricks, an advancement over stone construction. They had design thinkers with big visions, who could oversee the building of the largest edifice ever conceived.

God didn’t deny their skill or potential—in fact, God declared that nothing would be impossible for them once they set their mind to it.

But nowhere in this story do the people mention developing in character or wisdom. They wanted to grow in size, in prominence, in technology, but not in human maturity or godliness.

My friend Smita Donthamsetty worked for 20 years in Christian microfinance around the world. Her training materials are translated and contextualized into the local cultures of Peru, the Philippines, the Dominican Republic, India, Togo, Mali, and other countries.  

A key factor to the success of her trainings was balancing skill training and character development. Those who participated in her micro-savings groups learned about financial accountability and discipleship simultaneously. They discussed their broken relationship with God and others, and their new hope through Christ, as they explored treating money differently.

Smita admits that progress in those groups happens more slowly than organizations just teaching financial tools. But the balanced groups continue to this day to self-replicate and sustainably transform lives and communities through Christ-centered stewardship and microfinance.

As Christian leaders, we need to affirm that every shared endeavor is an opportunity for spiritual deepening. Foster and celebrate both the spiritual—as well as the concrete—impacts of your work together in the city.

5. Beware brainstorming and decision-making with no discernment practices.

Even when our teams are made entirely of Christians, our brainstorming and decision-making don’t automatically represent God’s priorities. Perfunctory opening prayers to “cover” the process are not enough.

How quickly our hearts can forget, as we develop momentum and build partner agreement, what it means to be a Christian leader. God isn’t calling us to merely guide others in soldiering on for Jesus, reaching out to God in occasional moments of uncertainty or need. Christian leadership nudges others to walk with Jesus continually.

One of the jobs of a Christian leader in a group setting is to create opportunities to listen to the Spirit. Then we can all, as God gives grace, take part in what the Spirit is accomplishing in the city. For example:

• prepare a tone-setting devotional to address your group's human need for a transition into a sacred space

• normalize pausing for prayer, especially when anyone senses the group might be forcing a false clarity before its time.

• foster active stillness—that inner state of self-control that allows us to deliberately listen and honor God instead of just riding group momentum.

• model a group culture of surrender to the Spirit, submitting any assumptions or plans to His greater wisdom.

“As Christians, God is forever our First Stakeholder.”

My supervisor, Stacie, will shamelessly call on Jesus in the middle of a team meeting. In mid-thought, eyes open, she’ll say something like: “So team, here are ten things we could accomplish in the coming month... (Sigh) Dear Jesus. We need your help! Guide us, help us get out of your way, help us hear what’s important to you. We love you, Amen.”  

She makes it normal for us to do that. So she makes it natural for our team to need Jesus—and to include Jesus—in everything.

Shared cooperation with the Spirit is at the very heart of building God’s Kingdom on earth. In nonprofit work, we learn ways to gather input from stakeholders. As Christians, God is forever our First Stakeholder.

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JESS MASON

As a Ministry Innovation Strategist at EGC, Jess enjoys contributing to EGC's effectiveness in serving the Church in Boston. A former licensed minister, Jess is a spiritual director and Christian Formation Chair at her church. She loves to see God’s goodness revealed to and through Christians.

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Dominance in Leadership: What I'm Learning

Dominance in Leadership: What I'm Learning

by Jessica Mason

“I’m just not cut out to be a leader.”

My pastor at the time grinned with a twinkle in his eye and asked, “Why do you say that?”

I argued, “Because I’m not good at cutting people off at the knees to stay the center of attention.” He tried to tell me, That dubious “skill” is not what godly leadership is about. I’ve tried to believe him. 

As part of our series on conflicting cultural ideals, I'm investigating what the Bible has to say about common ideals that society imposes on leaders and on women. In this post I spotlight the often unspoken cultural ideal that effective leaders are dominant.

My search begins with a well-known passage where Jesus coaches his disciples that, while Gentile rulers “lord it over” others, it should not be so with them. Following the trail of the Greek word for “lord it over” (katakurieuw and kurieuw) around the Bible, I discovered the first mention of “lording over” at the fall of Adam and Eve. A relationship of dominance is apparently part of the Curse—a consequence of sin—not part of God’s beautiful design.

Accordingly, Jesus, Paul, and Peter each taught against leading through dominance. Whenever the Bible mentions humans taking it upon themselves to lord over other humans, the context is never positive.

“I’ve been conflicted about my occasional ability to dominate—it feels wrong when it happens, but when I can’t make it happen I see it as evidence that I am not cut out to lead.”

Recently I encountered a rather narcissistic individual. Narcissists have a pathological need for constant positive attention and adulation. I became increasingly agitated with this individual’s persistence in dominating the conversation and keeping themselves and their accomplishments in focus, to the detriment of meaningful action or decision making.

Reflecting on the experience, I flashed back to leadership roles in my past and came to a startling revelation—in many of my leadership experiences, I managed to center the situation around my thoughts or initiative, hold people in thrall, or get away with doing 75% of the talking. I'd confused leadership with narcissistic behaviors!

I’ve been conflicted about my occasional ability to dominate—it feels wrong when it happens, but when I can’t make it happen I see it as evidence that I'm not cut out to lead. I've repeatedly been disappointed with how my leadership eventually ends up feeling like The Jess Mason Show.  

I’m waking up to the realization that, if godly leadership has nothing to do with the ability to dominate, apparently I've failed to understand in my bones what leading others well truly looks like. In my observation, dominance can co-occur with real leadership. Furthermore, people can mistake dominance for leadership and will follow dominators—even to their own detriment—in the absence of a true leader. But I now believe that a dominant personality is actually irrelevant to healthy leadership.

I’m not in a leadership role at the moment. That buys me some time to learn. How can I hope to discern whether I’m called to lead others again until I understand what leadership is? I’d like to share with you what I’m learning, from the Bible and from living example.

“People can mistake dominance for leadership and will follow dominators—even to their own detriment—in the absence of a true leader.”

I’d like to return to the starting point of my search—Jesus and his disciples. This humble master clarifies that leaders should think of themselves as the servant of those they lead.

I take this to mean that while we usually think of leaders as “having” followers, Jesus turns this on its head. Instead he says that leaders should devote themselves to a vigilance for the good of those they lead, the way servants attend to their master’s good.

“Leaders should devote themselves to a vigilance for the good of those they lead.”

When Paul rejects dominance in leadership, he advocates that leaders instead should “work alongside others for their joy.” In contrast to the narcissist’s goal of using followers to supply them with positive attention, the true leader’s goal is to prompt others to deeper joy in God as a result of the leader’s partnership with them.

Peter also wrote to church leaders that instead of dominating their flocks, they should lead by example. This implies that an effective leader prioritizes personal obedience and discipleship over reprimand and force. In other words, she puts the lion’s share of her fervor into practicing what she preaches.

What strikes me about these biblical qualities for leadership is that they’re not inherently competitive. There can be more than one person in a group that exhibits these qualities. Not so with dominance, where There Can Be Only One. Biblical leadership includes. It collaborates. 

“In contrast to the narcissist’s goal of using followers to supply them with positive attention, the true leader’s goal is to prompt others to deeper joy in God as a result of the leader’s partnership with them.”

I would like to give a shout-out to my supervisor, Stacie Mickelson, for the ways she models godly leadership to me. As my supervisor, she regularly and concretely protects the interests of my healthy functioning on the Woven team. She listens well and dislodges obstacles. She balances my commitments and attends to my professional development. She also follows through on details like making sure my office chair isn’t hurting my back.  

In the team setting, Stacie leads meetings as though she’s working with friends and partners, not enemies to conquer or schlubs to drag along. In meetings she leads, even if she brings a clear agenda, I don’t get the sense she's forcing or dominating. Instead I find each of us heard and valued, as she shepherds the conversation towards healthy action. 

RESPOND

Meet Your Obstacles

In your leadership context today, identify what if any obstacles you would have to overcome to (a) think of yourself as a servant, (b) lead by example, or (c) throw your lot in as a fellow worker with those you lead.

Share your obstacles with a fellow leader. What is the Holy Spirit saying to you through your conversation, the Scriptures, or your prayer? What step of faith is the Holy Spirit inviting you to take next?

Encourage a Woman Leader

Think of a Christian woman leader that you know who leads by (a) positive example, (b) a servant’s heart, or (c) working alongside others for their joy.

Tell her today in person, in a note, or in a text, what you appreciate about her example of Christian leadership. If you have the platform, with her permission, share publicly what you appreciate about her leadership that others might learn from. Pray for her continued effectiveness as a leader in her setting.

Pray for Our Leaders

Think of a leader—either someone you know or a public figure—who seems to lead primarily by dominance.

First, see that person as a human being, created in the image of God. Pray that the Holy Spirit would work in her/his heart to create in them a desire to serve others and work alongside them for the good of all.

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Jessica Mason is a licensed minister, spiritual director, and research associate in Applied Research & Consulting at EGC. Her passion is to see God’s goodness revealed to and through Christian leaders and pillars in the Boston area.

The Awkward Dance: Christian Women Leaders Find Footing Amid Conflicts of Ideals

The Awkward Dance: Christian Women Leaders Find Footing Amid Conflicts of Ideals

by Jess Mason

When you think, “good Christian woman,” to what extent do you think, “effective leader?”

According to our research, Christian women leaders face conflicting ideals for women and for leaders in their communities, such that traits of effective leaders can contradict traits of admirable Christian women.

I believe that if these cultural ideals go unexamined, capable women may falsely doubt their fitness for leadership. They may also betray their leadership strengths—as well as their authentic selves—in order to conform to their culture’s image of a skilled leader.

In this post we explore six conflicts-of-ideals reported by participants at the Woven Consultation on Christian women in leadership in March 2016. In a series of follow-up posts in the coming months, we’ll look at these conflicts and consider: Where are these cultural ideals challenged by Scripture? Where do biblical examples shift—or broaden—the picture of what healthy leadership and/or healthy womanhood can look like?

THE LEADER-WOMAN DANCE

Conflicting ideals for leaders and women seem to begin in many cases with masculinized norms for leadership. One woman shared this challenge in terms of available role models: “Being shaped by male dominated fields, I don’t know [how] to lead being [a] woman.” Another woman reported, “In ministry, I’ve experienced that I had to be or act different than my true self as a woman because I had to act as a man.”

The Bible challenges the assumption that effective leaders must be men. Women in formal leadership roles include Deborah the judge, Junia the apostle, and Phoebe the deacon, among others. Women of extraordinary influence without official leadership roles include Esther, who planned and made an appeal to prevent an Israelite genocide, and Abigail, who confronted a battalion to lead David back to God’s word and will, setting the tone (and providing the land base) for David’s unparalleled reign over Israel.

To lead wholeheartedly, women leaders need to be set free from contradictory standards. As one Woven participant put it, “We need to be able to lead as women, not be shoehorned into leading like men.” Here are the cultural contradictions women leaders report navigating in their leadership settings.

SIX CONFLICTING IDEALS FOR LEADERS VS. WOMEN

1. Should I be dominant/aggressive or accommodating?

American culture can prize dominance in male leaders, sometimes to a blinding degree. One woman mentioned a “dominating male” ideal for leadership. Another observed, “Women need to be more aggressive…to compete with their male counterparts in business.”

But leaders must change their tune to be considered admirable women: “Being an alpha female is…too manly.” One woman shared that, “Women can’t be aggressive in advocating for themselves.” Multiple leaders reported that the more common expectation on women is that they “be available” and “meet everyone’s expectations.”

2. Should I be direct/assertive or agreeable?

One minister shared that over her years in leadership she has had to force herself to be more “direct” than she feels comfortable being as a woman. Others affirmed this tension: “Women aren’t assertive.” “It is hard to confront people.” “It's not feminine to disagree.”

3. Should I be confident or self-effacing?

Many women reported feeling that leaders are supposed to appear strong and put-together at all times, and not show weakness or vulnerability. The expected appearance of strength led one leader to lament, a “leader must be always confident. I’m not always confident.” In fact, the very opposite of confidence may be expected of women: “I must present myself as ‘less-than’ to be liked.”

4. Should I be hard or nice?

Like the 19th century children’s nursery rhyme—sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of—women are expected to be “always happy and positive all the time.” Bottom line: “Women should be nice.”

But one woman shared the expectation that as a leader, “it’s better to be hard than vulnerable.” Another shared that she felt the need to come across as “hard” to be effective in her leadership context, even though “that’s not my true self.”

5. Should I be decisive or consensus-building?

While women agreed there are different types of leadership, some felt forced to choose between false opposites. One wrote that leadership tends to be narrowly defined by those already in power, with principles like, “good leaders are decisive, not consensus building.”

One leader felt she had to decide between being a “good decision-maker” and being a “follower, as expected [of women] from a cultural and social perspective.”

6. Should I be unemotional or emotional?

A common tension for women in leadership is the scope and extent to which emotions and emotional expression have a role in effective leadership. One woman shared that she hears the message that women are supposed to be “giving and emotional.” Another wrote, “women are the weaker/emotional/vulnerable gender.” But, as previously stated, leaders are expected not to show vulnerability.

Without the acknowledgement of emotions as a potential source of insight, the expected emotionality in women would appear to do nothing more than cripple effective leadership.

RESPOND

Tell Us What You Think

We hope this article fosters discussion, reflection, and greater awareness of your leadership choices in your various work and life settings. Please join the Facebook discussion to add your thoughts and experiences. 

Share Your Story

Have you experienced any part of this awkward dance in your community? Or does your community have some wisdom you’d like to share? If you have a fuller story to share, contact Jess Mason at jmason [at] egc.org about contributing a personal reflection blog post.

What Else Should WOVEN Be Discussing?

Is there a part of the leader-woman dance that was not mentioned that you would like to bring to our attention? Contact Jess Mason at jmason [at] egc.org to share your insights.

Jess Mason is a licensed minister, spiritual director, and research associate in ARC@EGC. Her passion is to see God’s goodness revealed to and through Christian leaders and pillars in the Boston area.

Keeping Work in its Place

Keeping Work in its Place

By WOVEN SEPTEMBER 30TH, 2016

Happy Fall from the EGC Woven crew! I want to share a tidbit of wisdom from one of the table groups at the May Woven Consultation to help us stay balanced this fall:

Don’t let your work be an idol—

Seek healing for the holes in ourselves.

Be whole in God

Be rooted in Christ.

As we know, letting something be an idol means looking to something other than God to make our lives worthwhile—to make life worth living or give us personal worth. Idols cause anxiety and imbalance because they can never be as secure or enduring as our relationship with God.

Over the years I’ve contended with the idol of achievement. I’ve mis-measured my life‘s worth based on how much I was accomplishing. When I give in to that idol, I overtax my body, cut corners on my spiritual life, and rationalize emotional chaos as the cost of doing business.

Others may be tempted to make idols of their work in other ways—maybe they lean too hard on their work to give them respect, purpose, or power to provide, not ultimately trusting God for those needs.

How can we avoid making work an idol? I find these prayerful reminders helpful:

1. God, my life’s worth (or dignity, or provision) comes from You. My work is just what I do for now.

2. Lord, help me make today be less about working for You, and more about walking with You.

3. Holy Spirit, help me to draw work boundaries in places that are pleasing to You.

I’ll leave you with the wisdom of one Woven participant—“We see success as fulfilling our mission in life, but God sees our obedience as success.”

Want to write (or video?) a personal reflection for the Woven community on what helps you stay balanced? Let us know! Email Jess at jmason [at] egc.org. 

Jess Mason is a licensed minister, spiritual director, and research associate in ARC@EGC. Her passion is to see God’s goodness revealed to and through Christian leaders and pillars in the Boston area.

7 Twisted Messages: Findings from the 2016 Woven Consultation

7 Twisted Messages

Findings from the 2016 Woven Women’s Leadership Consultation

By WOVEN AUGUST 5TH, 2016

Do the Christian women you know lead lives of healthy balance?

On March 5, 2016, over 100 Boston-area women (non-profit leaders, mothers, students, businesswomen, pastors and other leaders) gathered to address this question. Women of various ethnicities, church affiliations and ages devoted their Saturday to considering what healthy balance looks like for Christian women, along with the hinderances they face in living and leading wholeheartedly.

The result? Not surprisingly, this cross-section of Christians first affirmed a timeless reality: for Christians, healthy life balance means aligning with God’s wise priorities as revealed in Scripture. 

Going deeper, they brought to light that for today’s Boston-area Christian women, God’s priorities have enemies — counterfeit messages that pervade our local culture and lurk in Christian spaces. 

This is what we heard.

SEVEN TWISTED MESSAGES CHRISTIAN WOMEN LEADERS HEAR

1. Do everything asked, for everyone who asks, without delay, or you've failed.

Over a third of the women struggled to set or adjust priorities in ways that ensured inner peace. What’s more, they felt unable or forbidden to deprioritize any people or opportunities, leading to unceasing guilt and disappointment.

I expect myself to say yes to every need that is within my gifting.

I spend too much time helping others and not doing what God has called me to do.

2. No failure or learning curve allowed for women.

A third of the women felt pressure to do everything right the first time, or be judged as failures in their role as Christian leaders.

I despise my learning curve, even though I love learning. I feel judged by my behavior, so I want to do more and do it effectively, instead of learning as I go, or even learning and then acting.

I feel I need to be in control / all knowledgeable even though I’ve never done this (my ministry) before.

3. Effective leaders don't show weakness, vulnerability, or need for others.

Despite some women’s expressed concerns that they lack the time, energy or resources to accomplish what others are asking of them, a number of women echoed false narratives that denied their legitimate needs for others—needs like support, mentoring or even God’s empowerment. Some comments revealed a belief that good leaders are supposed to be a source of unwavering strength for others.

To be a strong, independent woman means not allowing for true vulnerability, means ‘sucking it up,’ means always thinking of others first.

It is wrong to admit to being tired, or to admit, ‘I don’t know.’

I need a safe space to not be okay.

4. Women should lead like men to be effective; for women to act like men is distasteful.

Experienced women leaders felt pressure to “lead like a man” in order to be effective in certain contexts. But paradoxically, some women reported that if they display qualities more commonly associated with men—being “assertive,” “confrontational” or “aggressive”—these are deemed inappropriate for women. Christian women leaders are navigating this catch-22 to provide authentic leadership.

Those in power decide the characteristics of who is a good leader and what good leadership is, and that often looks like them. For example, ‘good leaders are decisive, not consensus building.’

In ministry, I’ve experienced that I had to be or act different than my true self (as a woman) because I had to act as a man (hard, direct) which is not my true self.

5. Busy is the new godly.

Many women pointed to a culture of busyness that encourages them to fill all of their time with activity. For some, this is framed as spiritual virtue; i.e., because I am blessed by God, I’m obligated to serve others as much as humanly possible.

Having a full schedule is the right way to live… free time or downtime is of no value.

Rest and slowing down is selfish.

6. I'm never enough.

Over a dozen women revealed clouds of impossible standards hanging over their heads. Many of the statements were vague pronouncements like “perfection” or “perfect parenting.” Ten women mentioned unattainable standards of physical beauty. Several shared some version of the expectation that they should be “further along in life by now.”

I feel like I need to look pretty, be smart, witty, strong, confident, not overly emotional, helpful, charming, graceful and gracious—all in one!

Women of color in leadership need to be more, better, extra than EVERYONE else just to be invited to this table. If I am not articulate, competent, attractive enough, my voice will not be acknowledged; neither will the voice of those who identify with me who will come behind me.

7. Christian women leaders are in competition with each other.

A smaller group, citing a shortage of leadership opportunities for women in some places, observed a “scarcity mindset” among women in leadership. They lamented that women may unnecessarily see one another as competitors instead of as important allies.

GOOD NEWS—THE WORK HAS ALREADY STARTED

Thanks to the Spirit’s work in them, the women of the Woven Consultation already recognize these messages as errors—severe hindrances to God’s redemptive work in the world. Throughout the Consultation, women heartened each other with practical tips for standing in Christ against these unhealthy tides.

But this is not enough. They also need the wider Christian community to join them—to think and act creatively alongside them—so we can all thrive together in our pursuit of Christ’s best for our families, our churches, our community and our city.

HOW CAN MEN & WOMEN HELP?

SHARE BIBLICAL HOPE

• Meditate on Scripture to find biblical wisdom to counteract each of these false narratives.

• Expose these distortions in small group discussions, Bible studies and sermons.

MENTOR WOMEN

• Share the habits you practice that help you combat these distortions and help you to lead a balanced life. For example, encourage Sabbath-keeping and the healthy rhythms of a grace-filled life.

• Be careful about the behavior that you publicly praise or reward. Make sure to encourage self-care and healthy boundaries just as much as hard work and sacrifice.

• Model and encourage gospel-based balance through self-care, rest and healthy boundaries.

ENGAGE YOUR COMMUNITY

• Discuss the 7 Twisted Messages with a friend or small group. Is the Lord leading you to confront any distorted messages in your life?

• Commit to naming and challenging these distortions as you observe them in your church-community, workplace or family.

WOVEN CAN HELP

Want to address these twisted messages in your church, but don't know where to start? Woven supports churches and Christian leaders through...

Convening  

Annual women’s leadership consultation and monthly cohort groups to share stories, build relationship and to collectively discern ways to take action toward empowering and supporting women, churches and communities.

Consulting  

Technical assistance to churches, women‘s networks and organizations.

Applied Research  

Collaborative research and community engagement on challenging urban justice issues facing Boston’s churches, with a current focus on gender justice, public health, and youth.

2016 WOVEN CONSULTATION [Photojournal]

WOVEN CONSULTATION

March 5th, 2016

By WOVEN

WOVEN CONSULTATION 2016

- A gathering of Christian women: leaders in the home, church, workplace, and community.
- A space to share stories, foster relationships, and develop strategies for overcoming obstacles.
- Dependent on prayer, permeated by fellowship, and yielding a practical response to equip churches to better support women.

SEEKING WHOLENESS

Though drawn together for assorted reasons, the women who gathered shared a common commitment to Christ and a desire for wholeness. Whether they admitted to feeling overwhelmingly busy or being satisfied with their pace of life, all knew well the struggle of maintaining balance through life’s changing seasons.

WELCOMING DIVERSITY

Beauty arose from their shared desire to grow as women of God as well as from their dynamic diversity. The Consultation welcomed 104 women from all generations, 59 occupations, 53 churches, and 45 Christian ministries throughout Greater Boston. Their racial diversity reflected the people of the city. Women who were differently abled were well served. The babies of young mothers joined in and children played nearby under watchful care.

“I like the fact that the leaders are helping to create safe spaces for women. I love the diversity!”

“Refreshing to be with women across denominational lines.”

“So nice to network with others outside my church walls.”

“I could see that people with varying abilities were welcomed and had a part to play.”

“Connecting with a diverse group of women is necessary to move forward towards all justice issues.”

HERE'S MY STORY

Five women shared stories from the front of the room that explored their pursuit of balance: What is it? What are the obstacles? What resources are there for realizing balance? How do we move ahead? As stories were told and hearts were opened, women found comfort in shared experiences, support in their journey, and inspiration to take the next step toward wholeness in Christ. 

“I want to know more from women I wouldn’t typically gather with on a regular basis to expand my horizons. This is a big world and we serve a BIG GREAT God who is the master of it all. There is a reason why we are all here together. We need to stop isolating ourselves!”

“I loved that people were willing to share their lives and struggles and there was no judgement, only others willing to hold each other up.”

REFLECTION AND PRAYER

After each story, the women entered into quiet times of personal reflection, active table discussion, and interactive text polling. Women were moved to pray for each another, admonish each other, and offer loving support. 

“Meeting other women in ministry who love the Lord was a highlight and it was helpful to draw out concerns I probably wouldn’t address otherwise.”

“Being a part of a larger community facing similar issues is very empowering.”

IMAGINING SOLUTIONS, DEVELOPING STRATEGIES

Moved to address the obstacles to balance and wholeness which they exposed and identified, the women worked together, shared resources, and collectively imagined how these obstacles could be overcome. Principles and guidelines gleaned from the wisdom and practical advice shared around each table will be passed on to churches in Greater Boston so they can better support Christian women in leadership.

EXPERIENCING GROWTH

At the day’s end, each woman left with something new, changed by what the Lord had done through this time in community. Some summarized their experience with words like “empowered” and “encouraged.” Hope came with many faces: renewed relationships, fresh strategies, and personal support in the seasons to come. The Consultation staff looks forward to supporting and equipping women leaders as they move forward in grace and see God’s work blossom and grow.

“The Woven Consultation helped to empower me in my walk with Christ even more and also in my calling. I further enjoyed the connections and relatable stories shared.”

“God really spoke to me, challenged me, provoked me and reassured me. I met new people.”

“I am going away more alive and empowered about living authentically before the Lord and others.”

The Woven Consultation is a project of the Applied Research and Consulting Department at Emmanuel Gospel Center.

The Unsolved Leadership Challenge

The Unsolved Leadership Challenge

AIM OF THIS STUDY

In this study of new church development in Greater Boston, we identified at least 95 new congregations which have started in the last seven years. Forty-six were within the city limits of Boston. We completed 41 in-depth interviews with church planters who represented several different denominations, ethnic groups, and networks. The research yielded general information about the church planters and the new churches, with a special focus on women in leadership. The hope is that this study can become a source of “mainstreaming” gender parity discourse within the church, as part of an overall discussion of the practical needs of church planters in the areas of leadership and ministry development

A Report on the 2014 Woven Consultation Day for Christian Women Leaders

Why a Consultation Day

Christian churches believe that all people, regardless of race, ethnicity or gender, are created in the image of God. Yet, often the Church falls short of honoring that image. Anecdotal and statistical evidence shows that women face disproportionate levels of violence, discrimination and challenge at least as much in churches as out.